That cup of coffee

"Let's have a coffee or something..." is such a simple invitation, yet it may imply so much, and when this happens, the stress is on that something, whatever it is, and not so much on the cup of coffee.

So, I'm finished with work and I go back home feeling a little tired... I have a cold plus the cutting wind, the chilly weather, and the heavy snow make a good combination for feeling somewhat miserable; my only wish right now is to go straight to bed. I don't waste time and go home, and as soon as I get there, I get into comfy clothes, I fix myself something warm to eat, watch TV a little while, and fall asleep like a baby right on the couch. I wake up really late in the morning... sure why not, it's Saturday, and a true day to sleep in and feel warm under the covers.

I finally decide to get up, and I make myself some coffee while I sit in front of the computer to check my mail. I'm sipping from my cup, and I'm enjoying my coffee, it tastes so good... Then, I see a familiar name popping up on Messenger. I think I need to explain here... I met this guy almost a year ago, and at the time, it just felt right to spend sometime together. We both were looking for the same thing, didn't want to embark in anything complicated, so one thing led to another fairly quickly. He and I were strikingly different in almost every sense, but we had a weird connection that is somewhat difficult to explain... we shared a difficult past experience, nothing traumatizing, but significant. Then, it was extremely peculiar that we both had a similar physical mark, and that only increased the strange attraction we felt for each other.

We ended up having a short-lived, but very intense affair, and there were moments I swear I could see fireworks over my heaad when I spent time with this guy. Still, we never told each other how we felt, mostly because the whole thing was supposed to be casual anyway... he was moving to Toronto soon, so it was better just to enjoy the moment. He did move out of Montreal eventually, the affair ended, and things went cold for a while; but there we were... chatting.

At the end of the year, I usually spend a few days in Toronto with some friends that I've known for years; so he said that maybe we could go out for a coffee or something... with a stress on the something of course. It's ironic how sometimes things go unspoken, but you know they're there drumming so loud. My only thought was that if I went to Toronto, it would be a little embarrassing to disappear for a couple of days while staying at my friends'.

My plans got derailed with a stupid cold that kept me in bed for at least four days. Then the snow came, or actually more of it, while I was at my worst. My car was parked in the backyard, and now I had to shovel some 25 meters of snow before I could even attempt to drive the car... first out of the backyard, through the back alley and on to the street. It seems like my car is going to stayed parked there burried under the snow until the spring.

So, the Toronto guy pops up again on Messenger, and I explain to him that there's no way I can leave Montreal. He's somewhat dissapointed, or so I think... the truth is that I couldn't tell for sure. This is one of those male things that I've never been able to figure out. I could only sense it because I've seen the patterns of when he's annoyed, bored, interested, whatever. At the end, I don't think it matters much, the fact is that we won't be able to share that cup of coffee.

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The coffee shop

We cling to the high paying job like clams to a rock, but wouldn't you like to feel like a dolphin playing in the ocean...

My father worked as a civil engineer his entire life... and ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be just like him, and do all the fun things he did at construction sites. I never got to be a real engineer though, as I ended up working in boring offices most of the time. So, no field work, just me sitting at a cubicle with a computer performing irrelevant tasks. I felt offices were more like mausoleums than working spaces. People get up in the morning, put their working face, and show up trying to look their best. You don't know really what's going on inside, you don't know what kind of human contact these people desire. All this pretension and repression can make any corpse cringe in a grave.

So, at some point, I decided to stop the office charade. After all I had a good excuse... I got laid off from a good position at a prestigious firm going through difficult times, and headed home with a severance package wondering what to do next to make a living. Of course I took some deserved time off to release all the stress created by the uncertainty of whether I was going to make the cut; but after that initial period, I found myself trying to look for something to do.

For a change, I did things that I never had the time to do while working in the corporate world. I started cooking my own meals, I wrote to friends I hadn't been in contact with for years, I dressed casually and started running in the park when days were nice. One day, I was walking on the street and saw a little hole in the wall with a "For Rent" sign. I scribbled the phone number in a bank machine receipt, and called the landlord when I got home. In less than a week, I had signed a lease, and sooner than expected, I found myself operating a small café.

It turned out that my newly opened establishment was relatively close to a university campus. I never thought I was going to get as many students, since the location seemed a little out of the way, but there was a health store nearby, and a few fringe stores catering to their taste; clients came and went fast, and very quickly, I saw myself extremely busy making sandwiches and serving drinks to my newly acquired clientele.

True, this new job was like nothing I had done before, but there was a feeling of liberation to it. No furtive glances to my cleavage even though now I could wear the most revealing low necks I had ever wore in my entire working life. No stupid women commenting on my looks and demeanor, no more expensive dress code. I also rebelled on the discrete makeup I put on every morning... so I changed my lipstick to a bright red, added eyeliner to my lids, and a little mascara.

Yes, I was enjoying my new line of work very much. The physicality of it was extenuating at times, but I never felt like complaining. My clients were nice, polite, and quite attractive... both men and women, no matter their age; although they seemed to be younger in general; the term younger, of course, relative to my own age; and very likely a natural consequence of having so many students coming to my shop.

Very soon I found myself busy enough to hire some help. I didn't require major skills except a friendly disposition and a good attitude, so I placed a "Help wanted" add on the window, and didn't have to wait long before a young Mexican girl came through the door asking about the position. She was in her mid 20's and although she looked very much Latina, she had an unusual exoticism, and the most alluring lips. "Yeah," I thought, "she's going to be perfect here..."

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Music: Lovage

Lovage is a plant, and its leaves and seeds or fruit are used to flavour food, especially in South European cuisine. Well yes, but not entirely according to some...

Lovage is also an American electronica band that only produced one record before disbanding. So, here's "Stroker Ice", a cut of that record in case you'd like to check it out, and you should if I may say so...

1. Ladies Love Chest Rockwell
2. Pit Stop (Take Me Home)
3. Anger Management
4. Everyone Has A Summer
5. To Catch A Thief
6. Lies And Alibis
7. Herbs, Good Hygiene & Socks
8. Book Of The Month
9. Lifeboat
10. Strangers On A Train
11. Lovage (Love That Lovage, Baby)
12. Sex (I'm A)
13. Koala's Lament
14. Tea Time With Maseo
15. Stroker Ace
16. Archie & Veronica

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Movie: The Passenger

Also known by its original title in Italian "Professione: Reporter".

A friend and I are both fans of Ryszard Kapuściński, a Polish journalist, who in my opinion is like the Shakespeare of journalism. According to Salman Rushdie "One Kapuściński is worth more than a thousand whimpering and fantasizing scribblers. His exceptional combination of journalism and art allows us to feel so close to what Kapuściński calls the inexpressible true image of war". Interestingly enough, Kapuściński expressed that he wrote for "people everywhere still young enough to be curious about the world." So, no need to be some scholar to read him, you just need to enjoy the written word, but if for some reason you'd like to enjoy something in film, my friend proposed "The Passenger", a movie by Michelangelo Antonioni starring Jack Nicholson, who plays a character based on Kapuściński.

Jack Nicholson and Maria Schneider in "the Passenger" (1974)

These are a few scenes from the movie... just be aware that there is one that shows an execution that may be disturbing for some.

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The army soldier

Never underestimate the power of dressing appropriately for a date, and remember that accessories are key...

I love Montreal in December… everything is so white, pure and magical. However, it takes a certain grit to live in this part of the world… temperatures are freezing, snow falls by the foot; but that is no excuse to stay at home. So, you dress in multiple layers, you wear astronaut boots, and you cover your head, hands and face leaving only a little opening for your eyes to see.

No, I’m not intimidated by winters, and I continue my life as usual… Right now, I’m getting text messages every 10 minutes or so… it’s the army soldier. For some reason he likes text messaging, more so than talking on the phone. I don’t mind, but my cell is not particularly suited for text messaging, so the conversation is taking a long time, and there's a lot of guessing as well with the short texts.

He wants to set up a date, and I’m trying to accommodate his style the best I can. He wants us to meet at a bar in downtown Montreal, so no problem there. He tells me he’s on duty at the military base on that particular weekend, so he’d like to meet in the middle of the week if possible. “Yeah, sure I can do that,” I reply. He seems happy with how easy things are rolling, so he sends me another text message asking me if it’s good to talk over the phone. "Finally," I maunder, and so considerate of him… at least he won’t catch me in the shower washing my hair.

So, he phones me on my cell at the time he said he was calling. I’m quite impressed actually. He then starts talking about the different things going on in his life. He’s the officer on duty on that very day, and he had to go and sit in his car so he could have a little privacy while talking to me. We talked about the Canadian involvement in Afghanistan. I actually like this conversation; it shows me that he has a head on his shoulders. He mentions his dislike for bullies of any sort… “Wow,” I think, this is someone with a bit of a moral fiber; so yeah, he’s making an impression alright.

Then, the conversation takes an unexpected turn… He mentions that he has to get up at 400 hours on the next day because he has to take his troops on a half-an-hour run in the middle of winter. Ok, that’s brutal, but I guess it’s their job. He tells me that some of the recruits can’t stand the challenge, but that somehow, he makes them finish. Then, he says that he has to put them in the shower, and starts explaining a whole imagery of sizes, shapes and heights. I’m elated here… I’m actually getting inside information on the locker room shower without even asking! This is a lot of fun to listen to; and I don’t encourage nor discourage his descriptions.

He says he has to let me go soon… he needs to get some sleep, but he wants to set a date to go out, and I’m happy to comply with the day he proposed. He pauses for a moment, and asks me if he could make a request. “You can ask,” I say. He tells me that he would like me to wear a skirt. “Hmm,” I say, “it’s kind of cold outside,” and this is an understatement; but why not, I'm sort of feeling patriotic, so I agree. Now, this opens the door to a lot more strange questions: he asks me if I do French manicure on my nails; he also wants to know the colour of lipstick I use, and he mentions he likes glossy red; and he wants to know whether I’ll be wearing high-heels.

I’m a little thrown off-balance by now, and before he hangs up, he says something like “Oh, could you make that skirt very short please?” Ok, that made it and cracked a smile on my face, “sure,” I said in the most innocent tone I was capable of, and proceeded to the good byes. I think I need to get myself a dancing pole now...

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The criminal lawyer

Not for a moment think that your pics are going to stay private if you share them with a potential date...

Holly cow!!!!

I'm pretty innocuous when it comes to swearing in English or in French... I'm probably better in Spanish, but won't expand on the idea.

Ok, I just hung up on a lawyer I'm supposed to date at some point, but let me start from the beginning.It's my day off, so I get up late, make myself a nice cup of coffee, enjoy it a little while watching the morning news. So, it's getting late and I think that I better get dressed and do something with what's left of the day.

You know, I've never really known how other people see me in terms of attractiveness, but I gather that if a guy wants to date me it's probably because he finds something that he likes in me... Well, the lawyer calls me while he was having a break at work, my cell starts ringing, and I'm in the shower washing my hair. Now, I don't know what on earth possessed me to reach out for the damn phone, so I'm talking to this guy while I'm naked in the shower.

I kept saying that I couldn't hear him very well, and couldn't even understand what he has saying, so I turned off the shower, and kept talking to him... you get the image, kind of silly... so, I tell him, "Look I'm taking a shower right now, do you mind if I call you in a few minutes..." He begs me to stay on the line because he's on his break and it'll be only a little while. So, so stupid of me, I agree, and I'm freezing my but in the washroom.

We had exchanged a few messages, and pictures too... so, he tells me that he finds me very attractive and that he really wants to go out with me. I say, "well thanks", and again I tell him that stupid thing about not knowing really how other people see me. "In fact", he says, "I showed the pictures to my friend and he thought you were really hot too!" Ok, I'm freezing my but to no end, and my jaw just dropped to the floor when he told me that. I couldn't believe he was showing my pics to somebody else...

All I could stutter was "Your friend?"; "Yeah," he said, "so you must know that you're attractive when two guys agree on that, and actually, he wants to meet you too, so maybe the three of us could go out for dinner some time..."

Talking about an awkward situation, all I wanted to do in that instant was to turn on the hot water, and the only thing I could answer was "Well, I suppose we could go out for dinner" trying to stress the word dinner at the end. "Ok, sweetie" he said, "I'll let you finish washing your hair, and I'll call you tomorrow"

So, I turn on the warm water as soon as I can, and I stand there in disbelief of what I just heard...

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